Saturday Morning Thoughts, 27 June 2026

Also posted on Threads, Facebook, and Bluesky.

In no particular order, because my brain and body are recovering from a bourbon and peach-fueled evening of cooking and drinking, three evolving thoughts: 

1.  “From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs” in 2026 seems not like some utopian ideal but more as a rubric of how to acknowledge that in a diverse world where there is material abundance, every being deserves an equitable – but not necessarily equal – access to the resources of the community and culture in which they live, and an expectation that in turn, they will contribute to their community’s needs and well-being freely and in good faith.  This concept infuriates individualists and people believing in hierarchical societies; and that is part of its appeal to me. Marx is also far closer to the core belief in community shared by the Abrahamic religions than conservative Christians, Jews, and Muslims who revile communitarian economic and social beliefs are willing to admit. 

2. From a conversation with a dear friend who is a mother and a full-time caregiver to two adult children with disabilities: Being a parent, a child, a partner, a sibling, or a friend is a whole and separate responsibility from being a caregiver.  Every healthy relationship assumes bonds of common interest and physical and emotional benefit and safety.  Not every healthy relationship requires the active attention to the needs of a parent, child, sibling or friend.  We as a culture misunderstand both the nature and challenges of caregiving, and how its demands and needs are both different and greater than those of filial and associative relationships.  (Yes, this is in part about the White House’s efforts to subvert Olmstead v LC, the Supreme Court decision allowing people with disabilities to live independently in circumstances of their choosing.)

3. The cults of celebrity, exceptionalism, and nostalgia for a static, non-existent past and their monetization have eroded or destroyed any number of values, behaviors, and attitudes needed for sustainable and just relationships and communities.  Because we discount and dismiss people who aren’t perceived as important or powerful, we as a culture have prejudiced our systems and support in favor of the wealthy, powerful, and those closes to them, and against those without wealth, power, access, and influence.  As a result, we make poor decisions about both what and how we need to do *everything*. 

Future posts like this may be the beginning of a renaissance of scory, my long-moribund blog. I’ve needed and wanted to write and share my words because of my intellectual vanity and my need attention and affirmation.  There, I said it.  

In the words of Stephen Colbert, won’t you please join me? 

Let’s talk about anxiety and depression, pt. 1

First off, I’ve experienced anxiety and depression all of my life. 

There: that’s my coming out statement. Put the snark away folks. Acknowledging openly a difference/disability is a big deal and is as important as acknowledging a non-heteronormative sexual orientation and/or gender identity. I live with and accommodate both anxiety and depression successfully much of the time; but triggered by events in life – even something positive – I can have debilitating anxiety attacks or major depressive episodes. 

 At sixty, I’m pretty good at knowing what will trigger my anxiety and depression. Having too much to do, and too few resources to do it with is the most common trigger, and the hardest to overcome. I’m living through a prolonged period where I’m experiencing both anxiety and depression in a way that makes life difficult and significantly interferes with both my personal and professional lives. 

 This episode started in 2019. I faced both resource and emotional challenges at work that triggered this episode. For people wondering why I checked out in 2019, this is the answer you were looking for. Very recently, the intensity of the MDD increased dramatically when the amount of work I had to do increased significantly, and I lost people on my team and have been unable to recruit people to replace the ones who aren’t available. That additional work, and my unrealistic belief that I could and should work longer and “better” pushed me past the ability to cope with and accommodate my anxiety and depression. 

 How did I know? The Mayo Clinic’s simple and direct list of symptoms applies: 

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness 

• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters 

• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports 

• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much 

• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort 

• Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain 

• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness 

• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements 

• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame 

• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things 

• Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide 

• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches.

 In my case, the “unexplained physical problems” are migraine headaches and episodic psoriasis. Neither are pleasant, trust me.  

In short, I stopped taking care of myself and I stopped the activities and practices that help me keep my anxiety and depression under control. When did I know I was depressed, and experiencing an episode of major depressive disorder? Not until very recently: For much of the last two years, I thought I was burnt out. Depression and burnout are good friends; they don’t need to be related, but in my case, I think they are. Burnout and my depression triggers are the same: doing too much, for too long, without energy and time to recover. And the way out from anxiety, depression, and burnout are similar. 

 So here we are. I’ve started taking steps to bring my anxiety and depression under control. They include: 

• Exercising regularly 

• Practicing mindfulness meditation 

• Temporarily stepping away from work for recovery 

• Resuming work, taking care to rebuild positive habits to mitigate anxiety and depression triggers 

• Getting enough sleep – but not too much 

• Eating better • Consulting with my primary care physician and psychologist 

•Engaging with friends and colleagues (and not using them as therapists ) 

• Focusing on small actions that bring me satisfaction 

 I didn’t include medication. I’ve taken anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications on and off for 30 years. If returning to a pattern of behavior that previously controlled my anxiety and depression doesn’t work, I may well ask for a new prescription. That’s where consulting with my primary care physician and psychologist come it. Managing anxiety and depression isn’t an “alone” activity. It takes a group of people to offer support that help relieve the impact of anxiety and depression. 

As I work to actively manage my anxiety and depression, with you all as partners, you may see me less on social media. On the other hand, hopefully I’ll be in contact with more of you, directly, because real interaction is far better than seeing notifications and red dots appear in your timelines and feeds. Either way: anxiety and depression should not be something we hide. I won’t be hiding any longer.

Post-script:  I drafted this in 2022. It took me four years to sort myself out enough to publish this. Cheers!

Musings

Repeat after me: "Work as if you live in the early days of a better nation". (Thank you, Alaisdair Gray.)

For each of us, this will mean different things. But collectively, our goal should be to build local and national communities that offer justice, opportunity, and freedom to all, regardless of race, gender, religion, class, ability, or any other criteria that has been used to separate and divide us.

The challenge we face *is* daunting. It's clear now that some significant fraction of our fellow humans are happy ceding their agency to authority in many forms, and cannot understand that their choices in fact harm others, and often harm themselves.

There's nothing wrong with practicing conservative politics or religion; but to force others to live with either or both, without consent, is wrong. The same is true on the left -- and this may be the only time I'll acknowledge the equivalence of belief in conservative and liberal values.

We've seen the corrosion of humanist values over the course of the last 40 years. In the last four years, the corrorision has lead to the wholesale destruction of liberal democracy and its replacement with, or the threat of, fascism and authoritarian oligarchy. Men who have no business leading anything, let alone a nation-state, threaten to rule by fiat and not the with the consent and will of the people.

In the United States we are 79 days away from the most consequential national election the United States has ever undertaken. As I type this, the President and his claque continue to deploy tactics to intimidate voters and suppress voting turnout. There are active clashes between fascist and radical right-wing groups who are armed, violent and advocate sedition, and many other groups across the political spectrum who are (mostly) peaceful and largely non-violent and unarmed. In many cases, local law enforcement support the fascist and radical right -wing groups. This has to change; and only by imagining and working towards and for a better future can we see the end of this rot on civil society. Try and do something every day to help change the world and make a new, better community, town, city, state, nation, and world.

Working on it

I've been a moribund blogger, potter, and just about everything for most of the last year.  I allowed work to eat my life -- which is neither desirable, sustainable, or pleasant.  But I'm resolved to change.

So as a first step, I'm returning to the potter's wheel, at a new studio.  I want to build on the work I'd started, examples of which are below.  Because: Scott, I have goals and projects:

Goals

Throw taller 

Throw thinner

Throw shapes with more volume

Develop the dark clay/light clay/rough texture/smooth texture balance 

Sgraffito work

Work with porcelain

Learn additional covered vessel techniques

Projects

Four mug shapes and sizes

Develop two existing bottle shapes

Develop two existing bowl shapes

Learn a large volume bottle shape

Create a French butter dish

Develop existing teapot design

Create new tall teapot design

You can see what I've already made.  I hope what comes will be better still.

Random thoughts from 37,000 feet over Nevada

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I haven’t written a blog post in a very long time.  It’s not that I’ve nothing to write about – far from it – but I’ve very few moments where I have both the energy and inclination to write about our lives, our activities, music, politics, et.c.

Part of that may be the result of Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media.  I’ll confess to be engaged – perhaps too engaged – by them.  And while there is satisfaction from the bon mots and instant response of Facebook and other media, the deep satisfaction of writing, and editing, and posting, and going back and reading is lost. 

Part of it is my work is different.  I was lucky enough to be offered the opportunity to serve as the Chief Information Officer for the Administration for Community Living.  To say that it’s changed my life is an understatement.  The demands of the work are completely different that anything I’ve ever done before, both in terms of the scope of the work, and what’s expected of the team I work with, and of me.  Most of the time, it feels like I’ve put on an exquisitely tailored suit that fits me perfectly, and that I wear with pride.  Once in a while, I feel like a complete imposter. 

And while my personal blog was and is deeply satisfying as a creative outlet and personal expression, the creative impulse I’ve always had gets satisfied both from my professional work, as well as other outlets – our work in clay, our house and garden, our animal companions, and the ever deepening relationship with my partner and love of my life, Graham. 

I spent the first part of this trip from Washington, DC to Los Angeles working and sleeping.  It’s only been in the last hour that I’ve stolen a few moments and the last of my laptop’s battery to write this.  As it is, we’re descending into the LA basin.  I’m facing getting off a delightful and uneventful flight, and jumping into the rugby scrum of a work lunch, getting a hair cut and manicure, navigating a bed and breakfast check in, picking up Nancy Workman, going to a cocktail party at Michael Bruce Abelson’s house, and reuniting with Occidental College classmates, some of whom I haven’t seen in 30 year, and spending the weekend in LA.  Honestly, it’s a little terrifying and a little satisfying.  And at the end of it, I may have one or two more things to say. 

Not the only one

John Boehner may be the worst Speaker of the House of Representatives ever to serve.  I'm not the only one who thinks so:  http://capitalgainsandgames.com/blog/stan-collender/2749/cliffgate-will-be-boehners-waterloo.

I've made the comment that if Boehner choose to act rationally, and allow a clean CR and debt limit bill to the floor for a vote, the measure will pass with a majority of Democratic and Republican Representatives voting for the measure.  Boehner will immediately be challenged as Speaker by one or more members of the Tea Party faction of the Republican Party.  He cannot receive a majority of the votes required for him to remain speaker.  He will be replaced, although it's far from clear who will succeed him, and if it will be a Republican or a Democrat.

If Boehner brings measures to the floor with Tea Party inserted "poison pills" for votes, they will not pass the Senate nor be signed by the White House.  The United State Government will remain shut, and the country will default on all or part of its debt.  Boehner will lose the Speaker's chair, and be largely responsible for the default of the United States and all of its intended and unintended consequence. 

With the first, he maintains a tiny modicum of respect and capability; with the second, he becomes one of the most reviled figures in American history and politics.  Should be a pretty simple choice.

Enough with the false equivalence!

So after listening to the "good" news all morning that the Democrats and Republicans are reaching compromise on both a budget and a debt limit increase, let me point out this: The FY 2014 Budget was proposed by President Obama in February. There were *seven months* to work out details about what should and should not have been funded. The Democratic-controlled Senate presented all the FY 2014 appropriations bills to the House in a timely manor. The chair of the House Appropriations Committee, Paul Ryan, obstructed every effort to have them considered. That, by the way, is when and where spending priorities, including defunding (and de-authorizing) programs is supposed to take place. Apparently Congressmen Boehner and Ryan never learned from "I'm a Bill."

The Republican leadership of the House of Representatives have failed at the *one thing* they are supposed to do. I'm disgusted that the media, and collectively, all of us, continue to allow them to fail. And no, the blame does not belong on "both side" of the aisle. Enough with the false equivalence.

Extortion is extortion. It's a criminal activity. So is conspiracy. Let's call out the conspirators and perpretrators, and both prosecute and work to make sure they loose their elected positions.

Regular broadcasts will resume in the near future

It's been almost a year since I last wrote for the blog.  Unlike Joan Didion or Nancy Stearns Bercaw, I created no "Year of Magical Thinking" or "Brain in a Jar: A Daughter's Journey through her Father's Memory."  I did make some good bowls and bottles.  I found a new job.  We completed the first year of puppy parenthood.  And more than anything else, both Graham and I are building the new normal.  More will follow. 

Grief Roller Coaster

There's a Zen koan:  when doing hard practice, expect the weird.

And then there's this:  When you meet the Master in the road, he will hit you in the mouth with a stick.

Both of these apply to my grief.

A short chronicle of what I've experienced to date:  Rage.  Anxiety.  Fatigue.  Nausea.  Fear.  Mania. 

I thought that Virginia's death would be an end.   I thought the grieving that we'd experienced in the last three years of her life, of the constant sense of losing pieces of what made Virginia and the pain that loss caused me would dissipate.  I was wrong.

The grief has begun to manifest itself in ways I never expected.  I've known depression and anxiety before -- hell, I've been treated for them.  Grief is different.  Grief comes to you at the moments you least expect it, and slaps you in the face.  Grief hides like a cat under the bed, and springs out and sets his claws in your leg, regardless of whether you've done anything to provoke him.  Grief hijacks your birthday, and reduces you to tears when you realize the one phone call and birthday card that followed you all your life to this moment won't be coming this year. 

Intellectually and emotionally, I know that doing anything to numb the grieving process is counterproductive.  And my grief isn't absolutely debilitating: I get up, get daily activities under way, experience the joy of walking the dog and sharing coffee with Graham -- life is beginning to go on. 

But I'm stymied by other, simple things.  And complicated issues that require real thought and persistence terrify me, and drive me literally to seek distraction. 

I know this will pass.  But while it's here with me, grief is the new normal.  And friends, it sucks big time.

Excitement in the neighborhood

For the record:  No answer from PEPCO, and busy signal from District 911.